Friday, January 9, 2015

Tough Talks

Had another very brief talk with my mom over Skype about all of the things. As our conversation began to wind down, she started asking me when I was coming back home.

This is hard. I told her that I needed to pay off my loan and save up at least $10,000 before I think about returning home. I'm so close to finally paying off my loan. I have about $1,400 left. Of course she had to tell me that she's not getting any younger and doesn't want to die before I finally see her again; it's been over three years since I've set foot in the US.

I feel like if my sister was more willing to try and spend time with our mom and if I didn't have money issues that prevented me from buying tickets home for Christmas or New Years, that she'd feel lot more comfortable with me here.

To be honest, I have a lot of days where I hate being in Japan. I know what I need to be happy: money and a respectful job. I want to be able to buy an airplane ticket to wherever I wish at the drop of a hat without worrying about money. I know that at the moment, whether I'm in the US or in Japan, I'm not going to be happy unless I can feel free.

So, then I think about what things would be like if I went back home. I'd be OK at first, but I like to move around...and I get comfortable in one place. Two things that should be at odds with each other.

*sigh* I don't know what to do with my life.

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