Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Random People Love Me

I am a magnet for cultists and weird people. 

This evening, I took a trip to Village Vanguard for the first time in a month or so. Village Vanguard is an interesting place; it's got manga, costumes, porn, snacks from overseas, backpacks, and more. The stores themselves seem to be crammed floor to ceiling. Aisles are tight. It's like being in a maze with loud music blasting. A more claustrophobic version of Urban Outfitters.

So, anyways, I'm standing looking at some manga when a girl approaches from my left side. She starts talking about shoulder pains or body aches and as far as I can tell, it doesn't look like she's wearing a uniform despite giving me what sounds like a sales pitch. I asked her if she was asking me to go somewhere with her, and she told me she wanted me to point to a place on my body that had pain.

I looked her over and knew that she was looking to pull me into a cult thing. I'm a single female, wearing clothing that's not particularly statement setting with an agreeable facial expression; perfect target. Of course I agreed to allowing her to work her magic. She asked me to tell her how I felt after her, and her partner who appeared to my right, worked their magic on my stiff shoulder. With no where to run to, I pulled my bag in front of me (can never be too careful!) and closed my eyes.

The girl who approached me made light conversation while holding her arms around my body and squeezing her fists; obviously pulling out my bad energy. She asked if I had sleeping problems, if I had worries from work...honing in on my chest area when I said I had sleeping problems, "Most people with insomnia have pains here." I guess that was supposed to make me forget my shoulder pain.

I stood there, sweat slowly forming in my pits, waiting for her and her friend to stop making desperate grasps at the air around me. It was like they were pulling handfuls of invisible fat from around my body. Luckily, I was able to use the few moments of silence to close my eyes and think about how to respond when they finished. Do I tell them I'm not interested in any more religions? Do I tell them that my pain was only temporarily alleviated by deep breathing and shifting my bag? Do I give them a fake email and name when they inevitably ask?

With a few grunts, pulling out my last bits of air fat, the girl asked how I felt. "Better, right?" "Yeah, sure." Her face lit up, this was the response she hoped for. Her in. She grew excited and told me that I too had the power to heal myself and that if I went with her and her friend to their teacher, she would teach me because they were looking for "models" (Oh! Magic word that any plain-looking female would love to hear!!) and hoped that I'd be one. What's more is that this week their place in Nearby Area was going to be open until 9pm this week, so, if not today, what about tomorrow?

After 5 minutes about how I was busy after work and this week wouldn't do, I gave into giving the girl my email address, and with that they were gone. Poof. I didn't get the name of their organization, only that they would have me come in constantly to get work done on my aches and pains (without touching my body!!) and that I could learn their secrets, too.

The last time I was approached by a girl like that, I went to their cult room, watched a video about Mother Teresa and was pressured into giving 3,000 yen to start me on a payment plan to become a member of the group. Hopefully dodged that bullet. Guess it's time to make a fake email for all the creepers again.

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