Sunday, August 4, 2013

Dating in Japan as an American Woman pt. 2

Last week I talked about some of the problems I had dating in Japan (and with my boyfriend). But! BUT! Now I'll go into a bit of the good/fun parts :)

Again, not every guy is the same, and my boyfriend likes to talk about how different he is from "typical" Japanese guys. So, in no particular order...

1. Romantic!
My goodness. I've never been a romantic person, never fantasized about weddings or the perfect man, but my boyfriend... After dating for 2 months, he bought me an anniversary gift. On a different occasion, he put a necklace on me from behind. He constantly tells me "I love you." I'm sure he means it, too. After "I love you," I think "I love you because you're cute and smart" are the words he says most. :3

2. Doesn't expect me to be his mom
I've read that some guys are looking for a second mom. Lucky for me, my boyfriend always tells me that he likes me for me. This means that when we "make" meals together, he helps out! Neither of us are amazing chefs, and when we do eat at my place, it's usually something that can be easily heated up. But, he will make the food and a number of times he's made some tasty things from scratch.

3. Doesn't mind paying for things
Let me say first and foremost that I never, NEVER expect that a guy SHOULD pay for my things. It's nice if he does, especially if I'm short on cash that time. But, I always try to make it up and I always offer to pay for him. I am flattered when he does pay for me. 
I've read that a lot of foreign (Western and non-Western) women are disappointed that Japanese men automatically try to split the bill when dating. However, this has been a small thing with us. I don't want him to think that I'm taking advantage of him, so, I always pull out cash to pay, or slip the cash into his pocket afterwards. I remember one time he said that he paid because he wanted to, but he accepted my money because I gave it to him, not because he wanted it. :x

4. Agreeable
I mentioned in the previous post that my boyfriend doesn't like fighting. I also mentioned that I think that some fighting is good for a healthy relationship. With that said, I certainly do not think that drama is good. Drama causes unnecessary stress and, again, I'm lucky that my boyfriend doesn't want to cause unnecessary drama. Even when he's angry, it's not apparent. He doesn't get jealous if I talk with other male friends or co-workers. He doesn't ask me to choose between him and some other thing.

5. Annd...
He loves holding my hand in public (nothing surprising back home, but it seems that a lot of Japanese guys aren't big fans). He's willing to give me a back/shoulder massage...and it feels good! Will freely give hugs. Indulges my love of Sailor Moon and video games, etc., etc.

While I'm no love expert, if you're looking for love in Japan, it is possible. It will probably be a fight, it probably won't come as easily as back home, but, if you're willing to wait for the guy that matches you, then surely he'll come your way. 

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